If you're like me this can be a mysterious thing. Grown men, laughing, hopefully at themselves and inviting joy into the pain of life's daily grind-which is generally the healthy, humble thing to do.
But it's not always possible.
I will tell you what I know:
Two men, one is a member at the Morgan Family YMCA. The other is an employee there. They are not young, not old. The member tries to make the other laugh by claiming to have transitioned from female to male and pretending to be confused about which locker to use now that he is a man.
At this precise moment I froze and stared-not just to see what the employee would do but also because I was curious about whether this joke is part of his idea of his gender expression. We've all seen it: me trying to define myself by making a joke at the expense of another person. Don't worry; we've all done it.
Hopefully we have all had conversation partners who didn't let us get away with it.
The employee did not laugh. It was clearly not funny to him. But the member continued to try to make him laugh.
I felt a little sick and yet I took a cheerleader stance: my legs formed a triangle and I set my arms akimbo. I set my face in an impish smile and made eye contact with a woman behind the counter who was also bearing witness as you would bear a ten ton load of bricks and try to keep a gentle expression on your face.
New rules at our YMCA require the employees to tell persons in transition that they will be shown to a specific restroom. Not entirely different from showing someone to the back of the bus. So the employee offered to do so and the member finally gave up.
I wish I could tell you that the member suddenly realized that if he really were transitioning this would be the moment that all staff on site are supposed to take note and clearly communicate that their policies limit his movements on site. That this is the moment, that he has come out to his community and will be treated differently. This (this!) is one more in a series of impossible conversations that our friends at the margins must have if they desire to be open and honest about who they really are. And, perhaps, the staff will treat him differently from that moment forward... it's not for me to know.
No, this is not a joke.
In fact, this is not a joke or even a drill. This is a serious situation.
My colleagues and I have had conversations with Phil Carter at our YMCA and found him to be honestly disappointed in this new policy that requires his staff to discriminate.
We wrote a letter to the governing body and only then were we made aware that as part of their efforts to clean up the mess made by this policy and the procedure by which it came to be
they are inviting those of us who consider ourselves community leaders from diverse backgrounds
to conversations-which seem, as of this publication, unscheduled.
Here is where it gets good:
If you want to be part of these conversations you are asked to email president@ymcapkc.org
You can learn more (about their clean up efforts) here: buried in the archives of their newsroom
The letter we sent and the undersigners will follow this rant. Use the link therein to view the original announcement.
The response was lacklustre and simply directed us to the above link.
So the question is not now nor ever about whether you are transitioning or cisgender but what kind of human do you want to be?
Maybe even: what kind of advocate do you need or want to be?
And even though the YMCA leaders stipulate they want to invite community leaders (rather than mere members) I want to tell you something: if you have the literacy skill to read this post you can count yourself among those with more education than many and that makes you (yes, you) a leader in your community whether you like it or not.
And to my friends reading this who have had to have these type of conversations already (the kind I'm inviting you to and the kind I mentioned above):
Keep telling the truth. When it's hard, when it's easy, when it seems impossible I beg you to tell it anyway you can-use words if you want to, signs, flags, hugs, high fives, shouts, cries, whimpers, winks and eyerolls, songs and poetry. Sound the alarm that tells everyone you care, you matter. Ignore those who ignore you or disrespect you and keep watch for the rest of us to notice and love you, the real you, the truth...
The Truth.
Dear President Ecklund,
We the undersigned are pastors, parents, active members, and financial contributors to the Morgan Family YMCA.
The Y continues to embody its mission to provide for our families’ bodies, souls and minds. One of the most impressive aspects of the Y is its commitment to the inclusion of all people in its mission and vision. That's why your recent announcement of policy shifts regarding full inclusion for transgender members in transition at the Morgan Family Y and other locations in Pierce and Kitsap counties is so disappointing.
We know this is a difficult conversation rife with the potential for conflict and unwanted publicity. Our congregations are divided on these issues as well. Thus we understand your unique position and respect your attempts to serve all involved.
Your letter, dated October 5, stated that the decision to relegate transgender members in transition to private changing rooms was made after receiving feedback from concerned members and citizens. Obviously all concerns should be taken seriously. We believe, however, that much of the hysteria over exposure to transitioning individuals is rooted in fear rather than reality. In fact, we’ve learned that no incidences of misconduct have ever been reported at the Morgan Family YMCA. What is reality is that the Y’s new policy requires the staff and members of the Y to discriminate against transitioning individuals regardless of threat.
In your deliberations, was there time for conversation about safety, exposure, and preferences with transgender individuals and their allies? Was there an opportunity that we missed for us to share the concerns that we have as pastors, rooted in our Christian faith, about this policy change? If so, we deeply regret missing this opportunity. If not, let us express our disappointment that such an opportunity was not given and/or clearly communicated.
We are, as leaders in Tacoma churches, raising our children (in our families and congregations) to appreciate the strength and beauty of all bodies. This includes healthy and weak bodies, big and small bodies, bodies of cancer survivors with a double mastectomy, adolescent bodies in transition to adulthood, and adult bodies undergoing transition from one gender expression to another.
Thus the Y’s decision to exclude some bodies from full inclusion in our community is very troubling.
We know the YMCA is a safer place than most and we will be vigilant in support of your policies that protect vulnerable populations. We are requesting that all people be treated with equal respect, and equal opportunity, to impact decisions that affect restriction of movement or access to all services at the YMCA of Pierce and Kitsap Counties. We ask this not simply for the sake of our bodies, but for the sake of the Gospel that teaches us that the way we treat our bodies, and each other’s bodies, is a direct reflection of the care we provide for minds and souls as well.
We would be happy to meet with you to discuss this further.
Sincerely,
Rev. Nathan Hollifield, Fircrest United Methodist Church
Rev. Abigail Vizcarra Perez, The Bridge United Methodist Church
Rev. Sarah Wiles, Bethany Presbyterian Church
Rev. Ann Adkinson, First United Methodist Church of Tacoma
